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Friday 29 January 2016
Thursday 28 January 2016
Tim Vine Jokes
Three cheers for rap music.
Hip hop . . . hooray
Hip hop . . . hooray
Hip hop . . . hooray
Who can tell you what will happen to your nose in the future?
Nostrildamus.
He said, "my dog's go no dictionary".
I said, "how does he spell terrible?"
He said, "Do you know anything about how to become self employed?"
I said, "Mind your own business".
I live next door to a horse.
He's my neigh-bour.
Hip hop . . . hooray
Hip hop . . . hooray
Hip hop . . . hooray
Who can tell you what will happen to your nose in the future?
Nostrildamus.
He said, "my dog's go no dictionary".
I said, "how does he spell terrible?"
He said, "Do you know anything about how to become self employed?"
I said, "Mind your own business".
I live next door to a horse.
He's my neigh-bour.
Wednesday 27 January 2016
Tuesday 26 January 2016
Friday 22 January 2016
Thursday 21 January 2016
Wednesday 20 January 2016
Tuesday 19 January 2016
Wednesday 13 January 2016
Monday 11 January 2016
Glaswegian Wedding
Two Glaswegians, Archie and
Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the Minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
"I've even bought a kilt to be married in" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt", exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that.
What's the tartan?...."
"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white!
"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the Minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
"I've even bought a kilt to be married in" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt", exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that.
What's the tartan?...."
"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white!