Some Gags

From Martin Perscheid My mate David had his ID stolen. So, now I call him Dav.

From War and Peas A giraffe can grow up to 18 feet. But they usually only have 4.

From OffTheMark People get really annoyed when I read over their shoulders on trains which is stupid as I'm not even that loud. ...

From Cyanide & Happiness A strangler is just a fiend you haven't met yet.

From Safely Endangered I hate making spelling mistakes. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

From Bliss I just failed my abseiling exam. I let myself down badly there.

From smbc Once there was a fire at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people died.