Googling Then and Now

From Chaz Hutton

Where does Google like to go for a drink?

To the search bar.

The Summons

From Anjali Srivastava

I dropped my wife's epilepsy medicine in the washing machine instead of fabric softener.

Now her clothes don't fit.

 

Poohberty

From Looks Good On Paper

I was on holiday in Turkey and came across one of those Turkish Bath Houses.

They shave with a solid steel stone ground razor, snip out nose and ear hairs, wax off chest and back hair, pluck all the hairs of the crack of your bum and finish off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub.

Honestly, the wife's not looked so good in years.

Dog Air

From Mark Lynch

When I was in the pub, I overheard someone saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.

What a sexist.

I mean, it's not as if she'd ever end up having to reverse it!

Oldie

A man walks up to a pregnant woman at a bus stop

"When is it due" he asks.

"Two weeks" she replies.

"I guess I'll just walk then" he responds.

Misaligned

From Andertoons

I had an audition to become the trumpet player in my local jazz quartet today.

Everything was going really well at first, but then I blew it.

Liking It Ruff

From Monster Picnic

I silently farted in bed last night and slowly lifted up the duvet.

After a few seconds my wife shouted, "What is up with you, that really stinks!"

It must have been pretty bad; she was downstairs at the time!