Early Departure

From Mark Lynch

Why can't T-Rexes clap their hands?

Because they're extinct.

Carbon Dating

Three years ago, I asked my crush to go out with me.

Last week, I asked her to marry me.

She said no both times.

What Happens When You Watch The News

From OffTheMark

My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

More on this after the break.

Easy Decision

From Pardon My Planet

Housework is boring, and it is futile.

You make the bed; you do the dishes.

Six months later, you've got to start all over again.

Sign Of Trouble

From Bliss

My Wife and I were recommended to try a sperm donor.

So we did, but neither of us liked it.

Next time we're sticking to our regular kebabs.

Every Advert Now

From Stephen Collins

Sad news: the inventor of Chinese Whispers has died.

May he test tinned peas.

Mother's Day Begins

From Scott Johnston Cartoons