Schrödinger's Dog

From Tom Gauld

There's one kind of people in this world.

Those who know about Schrödinger, and those who don't.

Gift

From Strange Brew

I told the wife that I was planning on opening a theatre.

She looked astonished and said, "Are you having me on?"

I said, "Well, you can audition, but I'm not promising anything."

The Bear Necessities

From Loading Artist

To start a zoo, you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars.

That's the bear minimum.

How To Age The Elderly

From Loose Parts

I just spilt stain remover on my trousers.

How do I get that out?

Covering All Bases

From Mark Lynch

They say that time is a great healer.

Which would explain why doctor's surgeries make you wait 3 weeks for an appointment!

Busy Weekend

From Dinos and Comics

Why does David Hasselhoff call himself The Hof?

Because it's less hassle.

Under Pressure

From In Otter News

Q: How Does An Otter Drive To Work?

A: In His Otter-Mobile