Human Emotion

From smbc

I got really emotional at the petrol pump this morning.

I don't know why but I just started filling up.

Goldilocks Epilogue

From Wrong Hands

It's called 'Getting your guns out' because you have the right to bare arms.

Pudding

From GoodBearComics

Me: “I’ll have the steak please”

Waiter: “How do you like it?”

Me: “I don’t know you haven’t given it to me yet”

Mules

From Andertoons

I divorced my wife because she was too loud in bed.

I could hear her from two houses down the street.

Yus M'Lady

What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?

A receding heir-line.

Potential Breakthrough

From Jonesy

I was going to post a social media joke.

But I'm pretty sure you have already Reddit.

Chat-Up Mishap

From Speedbump

So let me get this straight.

I go to the supermarket and buy some sliced ham wrapped in plastic, a loaf of bread in a plastic bag, 4 pints of milk in a plastic bottle and a plastic bottle of ketchup.

And they won’t give me a plastic bag to carry it home because the plastic bag is bad for the environment?