Who's The Good Boy?

From Reality Check

I find it really embarrassing when guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Especially as he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up.

When You Buy Toilet Roll

From LunarBaboon

A guy is picking up his kids at school when he sees another kid and says loudly, "oh wow, what an ugly kid!"

The person standing next to him says, "careful mister, he's my son."

The guy, feeling pretty embarrassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father."

"I'm not", the other parent replies, "I'm his mum."

Shopping Shame

From OffTheMark 

I've been paying £3 a month to the Cats Protection League for over a year.

I missed the payment last week and they've just been round and broken my cat's legs.