The best thing about being a man is the ability to explain things you don't understand.
Tuesday 28 February 2023
Monday 27 February 2023
Sunday 26 February 2023
Friday 24 February 2023
Thursday 23 February 2023
Treats
Customer: I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese.
Me: Sorry, we only take cash.
Manager: Can I talk to you?
Wednesday 22 February 2023
Brainstorming
Life Tip:
I've found that if you tuck one bit of your trouser leg into your socks people expect less of you.
Tuesday 21 February 2023
Some Enchanted Evening
Insects are apparently the superfood of the future.
I tried eating caterpillars but it made me too nervous.
Gave me butterflies in my stomach.
Monday 20 February 2023
Being Watched
My brother just can't stop watching old re-runs of Wonder Woman and Xena Princess Warrior.
Up to five episodes a day.
I think he's a heroine addict.
Friday 17 February 2023
Cave Art
Thursday 16 February 2023
Work Life Balance
The economy in the UK is getting so dire that the elderly aren't getting to enjoy their retirement.
The BBC interviewed 73 year old Charles from Windsor who said, "Despite having a generous government pension, I've had to start working again."
Wednesday 15 February 2023
Love Birds
I ordered a whole duck at the Chinese last night.
It was great until I got to the bill.
Tuesday 14 February 2023
Chocolate Box
My Valentine's Day Plans
1. Breakfast in bed
2. Chocolates
3. Watch a romantic film
4. Dinner for two
5. Regret eating two dinners
Monday 13 February 2023
Green Eggs and Spam
What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
Thursday 9 February 2023
E-Section
A midwife calls a doctor for some help.
"Doctor she's been in labour for 36 hours, we need to do a c section."
"Not so fast," says the doctor, "there's one more thing to try."
He goes to the obviously pained mother to be and says "what do you call maids in space."
After the woman gives him a blank stare the doctor says "Vacuum cleaners"
Upon hearing this joke the woman cringes so hard that she expels the healthy crying baby.
Relieved, the new mother says "Thank you doctor but that's the worst joke I ever heard."
The doctor smiled and said "the punchline sucks but the delivery was perfect."
Wednesday 8 February 2023
Desperate Situation
Tuesday 7 February 2023
Falling Asleep
You know, playing Tetris has taught me a valuable life lesson.
If you try to fit in, you'll disappear.
Monday 6 February 2023
Friday 3 February 2023
Thursday 2 February 2023
Country Music
Wednesday 1 February 2023
Labradoodle
The man who cross breeds labradors and poodles will be adequate for the job at hand.
Or to put it another way:
The labradoodle dude'll do.