Self Cleaning Oven

From Yaffle by Jeffrey Caulfield and Brian Ponshock

As I was sitting drinking my morning cup of tea in my slippers, I thought to myself . . .

. . . I really must wash some cups!

Rise and Shine

From Loading Artist

When I was a kid, my mother told me to put a clean pair of socks on each day.

By the time I got to Saturday I couldn't get my shoes on!

Life Skills

From The Perry Bible Fellowship

A Lieutenant stands on the edge of a high cliff with his troops. The lieutenant looks down and then points to a soldier.

-You there! Come here to the cliff edge, extend your right hand to the side and jump down.

The lieutenant watches as the soldier obeys his command and falls down. He commands the next soldier in line:

-You there! Come here to the edge, extend your left leg and your left arm forward and jump down.

Again, the lieutenant closely watches as the soldier falls, pauses for a moment to think and commands the next one in line.

-You there! Come here to the edge, lie down, lift your right leg up and roll down.

A General passing by notices what's going on and storms to the scene:

-Lieutenant Alexey! How many times do I have to tell you? You can't play Tetris at work.

Christina Koch on the ISS

From Faceless

My wife insists on tidying up before the cleaner comes.

That's as ridiculous as me having a wank before taking the babysitter home.

Coronavirus and Washing

 

From Speedbump

Have anyone else's gardening skills improved during lockdown?

I planted myself on the sofa in March and I've grown bigger ever since.

Cursed Goals

From xkcd

From Pearls Before Swine

Are we purchasing school clothes or more alcohol in August? Just asking for a friend.

In It Together

Our cleaning lady just called and told us she will be working from home and will send us the instructions to let us know what to do.

Coronavirus Treatment

There are so many coronavirus jokes around at the moment. People are making them like there's no tomorrow!

Virus-free. www.avg.com

House Cleaning Opportunity

"Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished. So I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!

Clean Dirty Time

From The New Yorker by Christopher Weyant

Self Cleaning Oven

From Bizarro

Psychology

From LunarBaboon