The Horror Of Aging

From Speedbump

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mum," she said, "can we leave now?"

"No" her mother replied.

"Well, I think I'm gonna be sick, Mum!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush."

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

"Were you sick?" her mom asked.

"Yes."

"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick'." 

Fountain Of Youth

From Toonhole

I went to the swimming baths today and had a pee in the deep end. The lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.

Aging App 5

From OffTheMark

Aging App 4

From OffTheMark

Aging App 3

From OffTheMark

Aging App 2

From OffTheMark

Aging App 1

From OffTheMark

Turning

From TheArgyleSweater

Fifty Shades Of Grey

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!

Pam Ayres

Mugging

From Bizarro

The Four Stages Of Life

Height Chart