Chore Allocation

From Jonesy

Last night my wife wore a police uniform to bed and said "You're being charged with being good in bed."

90 seconds later the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

No Means No

From Mark Lynch

My wife says she loves to be wooed so now whenever we have date night I have to dress up as a ghost.

Sharing

From Joe Dator

"How would you feel about a threesome?" my wife asked over breakfast this morning.

"Wow, that would be amazing!" I responded surprised.

"Which of my friends would you like me to ask?" she went on, licking her lips seductively.

"How about Rachel and Anna?" I replied.

Still Full

From Speedbump

Teach a man to fish and he'll be like, "cool, thanks".

Teach a woman to fish and she'll be like, "You're doing it wrong".

Old Hibernating Bears

From The Argyle Sweater