From The Kids

From Scott Johnston Cartoons

I had a happy childhood.

My dad used to put me in tyres and roll me down hills.

Those were Goodyears!

Missing Poster

From At Random Comics

Instagram Picture Advice

Stop editing your pictures.

What if you go missing?

How can we find you if you look like Angelina Jolie on Instagram and a potato in real life?

Establishing Common Ground

From studio_stoutpoep

My kids have been on ebay all day.

Still no takers; I might have to lower the price!

Virtual Spy

From Reality Check

Our WiFi went down last night and all the kids came running out of their rooms.

Blimey, they haven't half grown!

League Cup Final : Chelsea 0 v 1 Liverpool

 

Food Delivery

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up Pizza and Coke on the way back from work.

But it seems she was not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the kids.

Having Kids

From Speedbump

What do you call a spider with 20 eyes?

Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider

More Beautiful

From Bliss

What do you call a Frenchman with no kids who tells a Dad Joke?

Un Faux Pa.

Really Hot

From JimBenton

People keep moaning about the hot weather.

Count your blessings, at least it's not snowing.

Imagine having to shovel the snow off your drive in this heat.

Botched Operation

From Faceless

Quick Kids

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right.. 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

What It's Like

From TheDogHouseDiaries