Dog Wisdom

From HeyBuddy

My friend and I watched five films on Netflix back-to-back.

Luckily, I was the one facing the tv.

Perfect Couple

What has four legs and flies?

Two pairs of trousers.

Sharing With Friends

“Excuse me madam, can I smell your pussy?”

“No, of course not.”

“Oh, it must be your feet then.”

When You Wish Upon A Star

From StrangeTrek

I used to work for the circus.

I was a human cannonball.

Until they fired me.

Cat Burglar

From OffTheMark

I never thought that I'd be the sort of person who'd wake up early in the morning to exercise.

I was right.

AI Café

From Pardon My Planet

I was in a restaurant when a waitress shouted "ANYONE KNOW CPR?"

I said "Yeah I know the whole alphabet!"

Everyone laughed.

Well, everyone except this one guy!

Threesome

From Bliss

I bought a mail order bride but I was out when she was delivered so now she’s married to the bloke next door.