Directions

From Speedbump

People are always sceptical when I say I climbed Mount Everest.

But it's true, I made it up!

Burglar

From Jonesy

Who did the dinosaur call when he was being robbed?

The triceracops.

Greg - Party Animal

From Liz Climo

My mate suggested that we go to a fancy dress party as a pheasant and a grouse.

Well, I'm game if he is.

Height Chart

Did you hear about the girl who fell in love with a baker?

It didn’t work out; she wasn’t what he kneaded.

Opportunity

From Twonk Comics

A Scotsman, a Welshman and an Irishman enter a bar.

The bartender says, “This doesn’t seem right, where’s the Englishman?”

The Scotsman replies, “He couldn’t make it, he’s still at the World Cup.”

Emotional Rescue

From Buni Comic

I just had an Adam Ant ice cream.

Nothing special, just standard vanilla.

GMail Auto Response

From smbc

I’ve just had a letter delivered confirming that I have secured a job with the Royal Mail.

I start last Monday.