Last Item On The Bucket List

From Mark Lynch

My Bucket list:

1. Pail

2. Ice Bucket

3. Mop Bucket

4. Climb Mt. Everest

5. Sandcastle Bucket

6. Car Washing Bucket

From The Gentleman At The Bar

A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?”

The dog points to steak in a glass case.

“How many pounds?” asks the butcher.

The dog barks twice.

“Anything else?”

The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times.

So, the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck, and sees him out.

A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several streets away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!”

“Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”

Disappointing News

From Twonk Comics

After spending 20 minutes trying to get the wife’s bra off, I’ve given up.

I wish that I’d never put it on now.

Big Data

From smbc

It blows my mind that NASA is able to receive data from 4.67 billion miles away, but I lose the wifi signal when I walk into the kitchen.

Who's The Good Boy?

From Reality Check

I find it really embarrassing when guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Especially as he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up.

Opportunity

From Portuguese Geese

Guess who I bumped into at the opticians.

Everyone.

Good Parent

From Little Porpoise

"I bumped into your wife yesterday."

"Oh, where?"

"You know the cafe opposite that Swingers club?"

"Yes."

"Opposite that cafe!"