Hell Will Freeze Over Before She's Satisfied

From Wumo

Argentina is surprisingly cold.

In fact, it's bordering on Chile!

Get Together

From Mark Lynch

My wife texted me this morning, she said, “Your great”.

I texted her back, “No, you’re great”.

She’s been happy all day since.

I think I should correct her grammar more often.

Breakfast TV

From Twonk Comics

One red card, two penalties, five goals, eleven minutes of extra time and a blood pressure too high to count.

Probably beats the usual two Weetabix and a shower before the working week starts.

Taking Phone Calls At Work

From Bliss

"Hello, is that the cricket club?"

"Yes."

"Could I speak to Mike please?"

"I'm sorry, he's in at the moment. I'll get him to call you back when he's out!"

Unintended Consequences

From Liniers Cartoon

Jesus is standing in for St. Peter at the gates to Heaven when an old man approaches.

"Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" asks Jesus.

"To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn't my biological son, his birth was miraculous; still I loved him very much. Later in life he went through many trials and transformations. He spread joy and his story is told all over the world even to this day."

Jesus looks at the man, with a tear in his eye, and says "Father?"

The man looks back and replies; "Pinocchio?"

Reserved

From Leigh Rubin

Q. What's your favourite month?

A. July.

Q. Why July?

Q. I didn't.

Purr Pressure

From OffTheMark

I don't believe in peer pressure.

Unless my friends do.