Nightime Fairy

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

I had to get my pet lizard some Valium as he has been a bit stressed out.

Now he's a calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon!

Pigeon Acoustics

Bagpipes are the only instrument that, when you learn to play them properly, sound exactly the same as when you started.

Fools

From At Random Comics

Today is the perfect day to propose because if they say no, you can just pretend it was a prank.

Also, does anybody want to buy a ring?

Poor Planning

From Reality Check

From Speedbump

If you're American when you go into the toilet

And American when you leave the toilet

What are you whilst you're using the toilet?

Eurapeeing.

Turtle Soup

From Joseph Nowak

It's the start of a brand new week, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

Spring Forward

From Stephen Collins

It took me ages to change all the clocks in my house.

There's an hour of my life I'll never get back.

Whack-a-Mole Sales

From Andertoons

I gave my long-standing friend some advice…

"Sit down!"