Social Media or Some Weird Cult?

From Wrong Hands

My 4 year old son said, "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?

Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves?"

Logjam

From Bird and Moon

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A chicken.

Cinch

From Loose Parts

How do you get a snake into Hogwarts?

You tell it to slither in.

Never Make A Promise You Can't Keep

From Andertoons

The Truth About The Beatles

John was the brain

Paul was the heart

George was the spirit

Ringo was the drummer

Hair Art

From Jonesy

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:

-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?

-Sure.

-It's pretty much worthless.

-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

Why You Don't Divulge Your Job

From Speedbump

A man at the fair was giving good advice for £1

I gave him £1 and he told me, "stop wasting money."

White Bread

From Loading Artist

What is a duck’s drug of choice?

Quack

How do you legalize Quack?

You start by passing a bill.