Where To Go For Sheep Videos

From Mark Lynch

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, to look it over.

He grabbed a bucket so that he could bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding up the bucket he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator."

Ocean Sounds

 

From OffTheMark

Humans are the animal that finds it hardest to get to sleep (not counting sheep).

Animal News

From War and Peas

I like to take the kids to the marsupial enclosure at feeding time in the evening.

I think it's important to spend koala tea time with the children.

Sheep Miracle

From The Perry Bible Fellowship

Q: How do they milk sheep?

A: Release another iPhone.

Wolf Wisdom

From Andertoons

My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her.

It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

One Please

From The Jenkins

From Buni Comic

From Honey Dill

I got this new TV remote, and it had a big red button that said 'Cinema Mode'.

So, I clicked on it and this voice behind me went: "Shut up in front will you, I'm trying to watch the film".

Wine Lakes & Butter Mountains

From smbc

Elephants Never Forget

From Liz Climo

A man was on holiday in Kenya. While he was walking through the bush, he came across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he removed the thorn and the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and, with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen - thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

For years after, the man remembered the elephant and the events of that day.

One day the man was walking through the zoo with his son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they were standing at the rail. It stared at him and the man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him. The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

From Faceless

Occupational Hazard

From Bizarro

Animal maps

Cock Of The Farm

A Kansas farmer has a prize rooster he is very proud of. The rooster's quite a stud and sires many fine hens. One day the rooster decides he's tired of hens, and he starts having sex with the ducks and geese. The rooster loves the interspecies intercourse, so he bangs a cat, a dog, he even tries his luck with the sheep.

The farmer watches all of this wearily and warns the rooster, "You'd better slow down, you're gonna screw yourself to death one of these days." 

The rooster's behavior continues for about a month, until one morning when the farmer can't find him anywhere. He eventually finds the rooster in the middle of a field, lying spread eagle on his back, motionless, with buzzards circling in the sky above. The farmer run's to the rooster's side and says, " Dangit! I told you you was gonna screw yo'self to death!"

The rooster opens one eye, looks over at the farmer, points up at the buzzards and says, 
"Shh. They're getting closer."