White Bread

From Loading Artist

What is a duck’s drug of choice?

Quack

How do you legalize Quack?

You start by passing a bill.

Where's My Easter Egg

Why is bread the body of Christ?

Because he is risen.

You're Toast Mate

From Buni Comic

My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Negotiation

From At Random Comics

A wealthy looking man walks into a bar and sees a young, attractive woman.

He approaches her and asks, "Excuse me, Miss. I was curious, would you be willing to sleep with me for £10?"

She responds, "Absolutely not, leave me alone".

So he continues, "How about for a million pounds transferred to your bank account before we start?"

Now she looks interested. "Of course, a million pounds would set me up for life".

But he doesn't stop there, "Will you sleep with me for £50?"

This time she answers, "Not at all. What kind of woman do you think I am?"

The man replies, "We have already established that. Now we're just haggling over the price."

Favourite Gift

From Speedbump

My wife bought me a bread making machine for Christmas.

So far, I've made a baguette, a bloomer and a tiger loaf.

I'm on a roll now.

Love Birds

From Loading Artist

I ordered a whole duck at the Chinese last night.

It was great until I got to the bill.

Bakery

From JimBenton

I was shopping in Tesco the other day and there was a weird looking child running around the place like a lunatic.

So, I said to the bloke standing next to me, "Whoa. That is one ugly kid running around."

He looked at me and snarled, "That is my son."

I baulked and said, "Sorry, mate. I didn't realise you were his dad."

He said, "I'm not. I'm his mother."

Purebre(a)d

From Cyanide & Happiness

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The keeper told me that it was bread in captivity.

Job Skills

From Moderately Confused

From Moderately Confused

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Aging App 1

From OffTheMark

Don't Fill Up On Bread

From Will McPhail

Short Bread

From Bizarro

Shopping

From Faceless