Football Quotes

The new Premiership season starts tomorrow.  To whet your appetite, here are a selection of football quotes from seasons gone by:

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. (George Best)
I felt a lump in my throat when the ball went in. (Terry Venables)
Our back four was at sixes and sevens. (Ron Atkinson)
For Tony Adams to admit he was an alcoholic took a lot of bottle. (Ian Wright)
I never comment on referees, and I am not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat. (Ron Atkinson)
Brazil - they're so good it's like they are running around the pitch playing with themselves. (John Motson)
If history is going to repeat itself I think we can expect the same thing again. (Terry Venables)
I've had a good rest, I've had holidays, got to know the wife again, but I've started itching recently. (Joe Royle)
I never make predictions, and I never will. (Paul Gascoigne)
And Ritchie has now scored 11 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season. (Alan Parry)
He hasn't been the normal Paul Scholes today, and he's not the only one. (Alvin Martin)
It seems that they're playing with one leg tied together. (Kenny Sansom)
We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought. (Bobby Robson)
The Belgians will play like their fellow Scandinavians, Denmark and Sweden. (Andy Townsend)
Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales. (Ron Greenwood)
He's got a knock on his shin there, just above the knee. (Frank Stapleton)
They didn't change positions; they just moved the players around. (Terry Venables)
Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match. (Ian Wright)
It's 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday. (Radio 5 Live commentator)
I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock. (Barry Venison)
A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly came off. (Kevin Keegan)
Barnsley have started off the way they mean to begin. (Chris Kamara)
He's carrying his left leg, which, to be honest, is his only leg. (Steve Coppell)
England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none. (Kevin Keegan)
Tony Banks described the English fans arrested in Marseilles as 'brain dead idiots'. That goes for me as well. (Secretary of the Football Supporters Association)
I'd love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time. (Kevin Keegan)
Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field. (Radio commentator)
Michael Owen - he's got the legs of a salmon. (Sky TV commentator)
That was only a yard away from being an inch-perfect pass. (Murdo MacLeod)
Every single seat is absolutely packed. (Ron Jones)
The tide is very much in our court now. (Kevin Keegan)
You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw. (Kevin Keegan)
Germany are a very difficult team to play - they had eleven internationals out there today. (Steve Lomas)
Well, Harry, fifth place last year, how can you better that? (Fergus Sweeney)
Henning Berg, one of the players classified as a foreigner, which obviously as a Norwegian is something he's used to. (Radio commentator)
It's nice for us to have a fresh face in the camp to bounce things off. (Lawrie Sanchez)
They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different. (Kevin Keegan)
The game is balanced in Arsenal's favour. (John Motson)
....and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record. (Radio Commentator)
Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play. (Peter Lorenzo)
I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country. (Ian Rush on his spell at Juventus)
Argentina are the second best team in the world and there is no higher praise than that. (Kevin Keegan)
He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces. (Ron Atkinson)
I want to win the Nobel Peace Prize - and I'm going to fight as hard as I can to make it happen. (Ronaldo)
Ireland will give 99% - everything they’ve got. (Mark Lawrenson)
I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona. (Kevin Keegan)
Ireland have won a corner, and it’s in a very good position. (RTE commentator)
Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him. (Kevin Keegan)
We’ll have more football later. Meanwhile, here are the highlights from the Scottish Cup final. (Gary Newbon)
We can't replace Gary Speed - where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head? (Bobby Robson)
In terms of the Richter scale this defeat was a force 8 gale. (John Lyall)
I don’t blame individuals, I blame myself. (Joe Royle)
If someone in the crowd spits at you, you have just got to swallow it. (Gary Lineker)
As a striker, you are either in a purple patch or struggling. At the moment, I’m somewhere in between. (Bob Taylor)
Ogrizovic was in two minds as to whether to go or stay and in the end he did neither. (Radio commentator)
They’ve picked their heads up off the ground, and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders. (Ron Atkinson)
We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalized. (Ian McNail)
If you cut Jamie Carragher open, he’ll bleed red. (Clive Tyldesley)
Lampard’s not the first player to run to the crowd with lips over his mouth. (Adrian Chiles)
Arsenal are streets ahead of everyone in this league and Manchester United are up there with them. (Craig Bellamy)
Football’s not like an electric light – you can’t just flick the button and change from slow to quick. (John Greig)
It’s understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney. (Kevin Keegan)
Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve. (John Greig)
What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio. (Gerry Francis)
He's signalling to the bench with his groin. (Mark Bright)
I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left-winger in the Premiership, but there are none better. (Ron Atkinson)
Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals. (Peter Withe during a radio commentary)
No regrets, none at all. My only regret is that we went out on penalties. That’s my only regret but no, no regrets. (Mick McCarthy)
There are two great teams on Merseyside; Liverpool and Liverpool Reserves. (Bill Shankly)

There's only one word for that - magic darts!

Sid Waddell, the voice of darts, died last night.  He'll be remembered for his enthusiastic commentary and for his many quotes, such as those below:

Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens ... Aaah, Bristow.

Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete.

When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer..... Bristow's only 27.

That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!

He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed.

Look at the man go, it’s like trying to stop a water buffalo with a pea-shooter.

The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in with a portion of chips, you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them.

Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy.

It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline.

Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out.

Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint.

He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.

That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank.

He is as slick as minestrone soup.

This lad has more checkouts than Tescos.

Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength.

Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!

There's no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers...

As Freud said to Jung in Vienna, you can psych up too much for a darts match.

If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they'd have gone home.

William Tell could take an apple off your head, Taylor could take out a processed pea.

The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!

There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions.

It's like Dracula getting out of his grave and asking for a few chips with his steak.

This game of darts is twisting like a rattlesnake with a hernia!

I don't know what he's had for breakfast but Taylor knocked the Snap, Crackle and Pop outta Bristow.

Steve Beaton - The Adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true Roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax.

They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor. They'll have to play outta their essence!

Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's THE donis.

[He's] as happy as a hound-dog who's won a year's supply of Boneo.

Bob came on like the Laughing Cavalier … now he looks like Lee Van Cleef on a bad night.

It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia.

He's perspiring like a pudding in a pot.

His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch.

His face is sagging with tension.

There was less noise when Pompeii was swamped in lava! Absolute pandemonium here! Barmaids are frozen like Greek statues watching! No beer's been served! Everybody's eyes [are] absolutely hooked on that board.

You could hear a blob of vinegar drop on a chip in this hall.

He's playing out of his pie crust.

Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles

If you're round your auntie's tonight, tell her to stop making the cookies and come through to the living room and watch these two amazing athletes beat the proverbial house of each other.

John Lowe is striding out like Alexander the Great conquering the Persians

That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.

He's as cool as a prized marrow!

The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome.

Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we've got drama with a capital D in Essex.

Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

He's playing like Robin Hood in the Nottingham super league.

The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu.

These guys look calm but inside they are as nervous as a vampire who knows there's a sale at the wooden stake shop in the morning.

That was like watching Popeye when he found his spinach!

He's as twitchy as a frog in a blender.

Eyes like a pterodactyl....with contact lenses.

Cliff Lazarenko's jumping up and down like a gorilla saying give me back my banana!

On Bobby George - He's like a Sherman tank on roller skates coming down a mountain!

He may practise 12 hours a day, but he's not shy of the burger van!

He's got one foot in the frying pan and one on thin ice.

Rod now looking like Kevin Costner when told the final cost of Waterworld.

That Lad could throw 180 standing one legged in a hammock.

It's just like taking a sausage from a boy in a wheelchair.

This is the clash that makes King Kong versus Godzilla look like a chimpanzees tea party!

Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's chuffing like a choo-choo train!

There's only one word for that - magic darts!

Quote Of The Day

"Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." - Anonymous