Learning New Tricks

From Bliss

From The Far Side

My son came home from school and told me he had ADD.

I said "What's that son?"

He said "Dunno, I wasn't paying attention".

Polyglot

From The Far Side

Our first child was conceived during some crafty sex on a DFS sofa.

The baby was born a month late and came with a wonky leg.

Centre For The Study Of Viral Pathology

Roses are red

April is grey

The next time you leave your house

It will be May*

Thirty days hath September

April, June and November

All the rest have thirty one

Except March, which had 8000

Tracy: "The quarantine is over"

Me: Pauses Netflix, "Quarantine?"

*or later?

A Paddling Of Ducks

This aubergine looks like Jemima



Puddleduck



When Contextual Adverts Go Wrong





This courgette looks like a duck



Far Side 1



This doorknob looks like a duck



The duck?  The dog was attacking ducks.



This grape looks like a duck




Mr. & Mrs. Duck are staying in a posh hotel on their honeymoon.
They've gone to bed together for the first time and are getting very excited when Mrs. Duck realises that in their haste neither of them has brought a condom with them.
So Mr. Duck phones down to reception to order one.
"Certainly Sir", replies the receptionist after listening to Mr. Duck's request, "Would you like me to put in on your bill for you?"
"No I would not", yells back an incensed Mr. Duck, "What do you think I am, some sort of pervert or something?"

This tomato looks like a duck



Far Side 2

An article that's been getting passed around the internet lately is about Anatidaephobia, or the fear of being watched by a duck.
What has made people keep forwarding it is because on the same page is an ad for Aflac.
Get it?
You're reading about fear of being watched by a duck, and there's that omnipresent Aflac duck?
Just about makes you shudder, doesn't it?

The only problem is, anatidaephobia is made up.  By Gary Larson, in fact, in this cartoon: