Timing Is Everything

From Mark Lynch

Interviewer: “So, where do you see yourself in five years?”

Me: “I'd say my biggest weakness is not listening properly.”

GMail Auto Response

From smbc

I’ve just had a letter delivered confirming that I have secured a job with the Royal Mail.

I start last Monday.

Dream Job

From Dinos and Comics

I started my dream job today.

I get my own £200,000 company car and a corner window with a view of the city.

Being a bus driver is a dream come true.

Layoffs

From Rose Comics

Working at a Job Centre must be a tense job . . .

. . . knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

Old Résumé

From JimBenton

I've got a new job.

It's shift work making chess sets.

I'm on knights next week.

Working With Animals

From Faceless

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar and the barman groans, "oh no, not U2 again".

Wild Things

From Speedbump

I gave my seat to an old lady on the bus.

The following day, I lost my job as a driver.

Life is cruel.

Progressing Through Life

From Dinos and Comics

I've just started my new job at the recycling plant.

They've got me melting down all the old 60's Motown vinyl records.

It's absolutely soul destroying.

Sucking

From Dinos and Comics

Interviewer: "Any weaknesses?"

Me: "Sometimes I'm ill prepared"

Interviewer: "Can you give an example?"

Me: "What, now?"

Oops

From Wumo

I hate telling people I'm a taxidermist.

When they ask what I do every day, I say: "Y'know. Stuff."

Job Interview Weakness

From Pain Comics

Job interviewer: "What would you say is your main weakness?"

Me: "Empathy"

Job interviewer: "Do you mean apathy?"

Me: "Yeah. Whatever"

Behind Your Ear

From Cyanide & Happiness

Working at the Job Centre has to be a tense job

- knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

Welcome To Hogwarts

From BerkeleyMews

You come from dust; you will return to dust.

That's why I don't dust.

It could be someone I know.

Diversity

From Will McPhail

I once thought about having a sex change to become a woman.

But in the end I decided that I couldn't afford the pay cut.

A Job Is A Job

From War and Peas

Replaced By Technology

From F Minus

I was going to give my change to a tramp today, but his sign said 'ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU'. So I held onto it, just in case.

Picatso

From Rhymes With Orange

A cub scout just came to my door asking if I wanted any odd jobs doing. I've got him glittering an aardvark.

Interview Techniques

From Imgur

Demarcation

From TheArgyleSweater

Koka Koala

From TheArgyleSweater