Cats Putting Up The Christmas Tree

From Break of Day

Santa played a round of golf this morning to help him relax before his big day and he hit a birdie.

It was a partridge on a par 3.

Not Even Deliberately Blank

From Break of Day

I went to a hotel and was given room 404 . . .

. . .but I just couldn't find it . . .

. . . so, they moved me to room 301 instead.

Cake Mix

From Break of Day

I went into a new bakery today where all the cakes were 50p.

On the counter I noticed one cake that cost £1.00.

I asked the baker why it wasn't 50p like the others.

He said, "That's because it's Madeira cake".

Subspecies

From Break of Day

A woolly mammoth walks down the street.

All of a sudden, a dozen elephants turn the corner, see the mammoth, run up to it and give it a good kicking.

After they've gone the mammoth stands up, spits broken tusks and says: "I hate skinheads!"

Decattynated

From Break of Day

I bought a circular rug that I saw on eBay the other day.

When I unwrapped it and rolled it out, I discovered that there's a great big hole in the middle.

I emailed the seller to complain.

He wrote me back saying the advert had clearly stated that the: "Rug is in mint condition".

It Was The Best Of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times

From Break of Day

From Bliss

From Cyanide & Happiness

 

Going Out

From Break Of Day

From Wizard Of Id