Smart Toaster

From Dogs on the 4th

Why shouldn't you put a toaster in the bathtub?

Because your toast will get soggy.

Helper Dog

From Bliss

Congratulations to my wife who reached a new culinary milestone today.

She set off the neighbour's smoke alarm.

Clay Pigeon Shooting For Dogs

From Bliss

Two DJs are talking in the pub.

"Wanna go see a movie tonight?" asks one.

"Dunno" replies the other, "who's the projectionist?"

Toast Prize

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John !" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".