Homecoming

From Bliss

I couldn't believe it today when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.

She says I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.

Anticipation

From Liniers Cartoon

I walked into a restaurant last night.

"Hi, is my table ready?"

"No, not yet sir; would you mind waiting?"

"No, that's okay."

"Great, take these to table six then."

Major Transplant

From Loose Parts

I've just 'phoned Argos to see if they had the game 'Operation' in stock.

Apparently there's a two year waiting list!

Doggy Bag?

From Scott Metzger

I arrived early at the restaurant last night.

The manager said, "Do you mind waiting for a bit?"

I said "Not at all".

He said "Great, take these drinks to table 7″

Retired Pilot

From Tony Lopes

We've just had a painter & decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him and it turned out he's a British Airways pilot who's been furloughed and was earning a bit of cash on the side. He made a lovely job of the landing....

Not Like This

  

From War and Peas