Relaxed

From Remi Lascault

I phoned the boss, "I'm on the train heading to the south coast now."

"What?", he answered, sounding a bit annoyed. "It's five o'clock in the morning! What are you doing on a train?"

I said, "You're the one who told me you wanted me in Brighton early this morning!"

Manboy

From Bizarro

I don't drink cow's milk, because I'm not a baby cow.

However, I do drink almond milk, because I'm a little nutty!