Friday, 23 May 2025
Thursday, 22 May 2025
Wednesday, 21 May 2025
Tuesday, 20 May 2025
Monday, 19 May 2025
Friday, 16 May 2025
Wednesday, 30 April 2025
Thursday, 31 October 2024
An AI Halloween
I'm not going to be buying any apples this Hallowe'en.
That should save me a bob or two.
Wednesday, 13 September 2023
Murphy's Lawn
I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden.
It's so difficult; how am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?
Monday, 7 August 2023
Epithet Heirarchy
A petrol station owner in Newport was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'A Chance to win Free Sex with a Fill Up'.
Frank pulled in the following week, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Frank guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."
A week later, Frank, along with his friend Burt, pulled in for another fill-up.
Again, he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Frank guessed 2.
The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, Burt said to Frank, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.
"Frank replied, "No, no, it's genuine enough Burt. My wife won twice last week."
Wednesday, 7 June 2023
Tuesday, 17 January 2023
Types Of Ghost
At a lecture on the paranormal the presenter asked, "How many people believe in Ghosts?"
About 60 hands go up.
"How many have seen a ghost.?"
About 15 hands go up.
"How many of you have spoken to a ghost.?"
3 hands go up.
"How many have had sex with a ghost?"
One hand goes up, Lewis right at the back.
The speaker says to Lewis, "I have been doing this for 40 years and you are the first that has claimed to have had sex with a ghost. Why don't you come forward and tell us about it?"
Lewis shuffles forward looking a bit sheepish and says, "Sorry I couldn't hear you from the back, I thought you said goats."
Monday, 5 December 2022
Busman's Holiday
My auntie Marge has been ill for so long we changed her name to 'I can't believe she's not better'.
Monday, 24 October 2022
Beak Shape
A vulture walked into an aeroplane dragging some mangled roadkill in its beak.
The stewardess looks down in distaste, and asks "Wouldn't you prefer to put that in the checked luggage compartment?"
"No thanks", replies the vulture "it's carrion."
Tuesday, 13 September 2022
The Lesser Of Two Evels
I may not be the brightest crayon in the tool shed but at least I'm great at analogies.
Thursday, 21 July 2022
Rural Monopoly
Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been fairly concerned.
He has taken going to jail pretty hard. He is refusing all food, spitting and screaming at everyone and is threatening violence at anyone who comes near him. He has smeared the walls with his faeces and is refusing to wear any clothes.
As a family we are united in our decision not to play Monopoly with him ever again.
Monday, 28 March 2022
Monday, 25 October 2021
Know Your Cloud Formations
Monday, 16 August 2021
Reference Shelf
I recently bought a great book about Feng Shui, but I can't decide where to keep it.
