Time Travel Warning

As a child all I wanted was to be a time traveller like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Lab Workers

From Jonesy

Me: "Do you mind if I leave work early?"

Boss: "Only if you can make up the time."

Me: "Okay, it's eleventy past twine."

What Time Is It?

From Adrienne Hedger

I can't be bothered with all the palaver of altering all the clocks in my house.

So, I've decided to just watch ITV+1 for the next 5 months.

Covering All Bases

From Mark Lynch

They say that time is a great healer.

Which would explain why doctor's surgeries make you wait 3 weeks for an appointment!

Wake Up Music

When I woke up this morning my alarm clock was playing The Brandenburg Concertos.

My wife told me not to worry as it always goes Bach at this time of year.

Turning Back The Clock

From Portsherry

If you can't remember whether to put your clocks forward or back this weekend, here's a handy phrase to help you remember:

The clocks go back this weekend.

And You Run And You Run To Catch Up With The Sun But It's Sinking

From Bliss

Einstein asks his wife what she needed from him.

She replied, "Just two things, space and time."

Einstein: "Ok, what's the 2nd thing?"

Appealing To The Young

From Dave Granlund

When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard, honest and painstaking work, I'm no longer young.

New Feature

From Dilbert

I'd been with my girlfriend for a while, and I knew it was the right time to say what I wanted to say to her.

So last night I got down on one knee, looked into her eyes, and said, "Look, this is just not going to work out, love. You're just far too small".

Measuring Time

From Moderately Confused

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

My Choice

From Infinite Guff

This lockdown is giving me the chance to do things I didn't' get around to before. I was in my garden earlier and my neighbour looked over the fence and said "What are you doing?" I said "I'm putting all my plants in alphabetical order". She said "Really? I don't know how you find the time!" I said "Oh that's easy, it's right next to the sage".

New Business Models

 

From Rhymes With Orange

Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. - Gary Delaney

Timely Job

Summer Time

Unstoppable Robotic Assassin

From xkcd

End Of Summer

From Fowl Language Comics

The Darwinist

From smbc

The Vetuscope

From smbc

 

Old-Time Time

From Bizarro