New Tricks

From Speedbump

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the Tube.

It only took us an hour to get from Barking to Tooting.

Course Correction

From James Breakwell

Top Tip:

Prepare your kids for office life by making them buy their own birthday cake.

Making Friends 101

From Dinos and Comics

Remember, there are no strangers, only friends you haven't alienated yet.

Self Driving Cars & The Future

From smbc

Did you hear about the first death caused by a self-driving car?

The police didn't press charges because they couldn't determine its automotive.

Learning New Tricks

From Bliss

From The Far Side

My son came home from school and told me he had ADD.

I said "What's that son?"

He said "Dunno, I wasn't paying attention".

Booginner

From Loading Artist

I've just started to write a book about hurricanes and tornadoes...

It's only a draft at the moment.

Nerd

From LunarBaboon

Final Words

 

From Bizarro

 

Home Schooling

Most of our generation was Home Schooled in many ways.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOCIC

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM

"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck."

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING

"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOUR

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Learning Process