Occupational Hazard

From smbc

Once there was a fire at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people died.

The Reality Of Being A Parent

From smbc

What time is it when you see a cow laying in a field?

Pasture bedtime!

Preserving Language

From smbc

My Grandma always used to say, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

I don't know if that's true, or just one of Granny's myths.

Not Caring

From smbc

I went to an Indian restaurant the other day and decided to try the toucan curry.

The food was delicious but the bill was ridiculous.

Ending It All

From smbc

My wife was sad so I showed her my boobs.

Apparently, it doesn't work both ways.

Robot Takeover

From smbc

The secret to happiness is not comparing yourself to others and I think I'm better at that than most people.

Doctor Joke

From smbc

Doctor: "You're completely blind"

Me: "What are you saying?"

Doctor: "April Fools lol you're actually deaf"

Me: "What?"

Doctor: "Oh right"

Computer Science Stats

From smbc

I'm attending my first class in binary later today, 'Binary 101'.

Which means I've missed the first four lessons.

The Facebook Model

From smbc

My first wife left me because of my obsession with clickbait and you won't believe what happened next.

Psychological House Building

From smbc

Ancient Egyptians were great builders.

But only up to a point.

Experiment Design

From smbc

What kind of dates do scientists like to be set up on?

Double blind

Genesis of Dad Jokes

From smbc

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's fully groan.

Animal Pals

From smbc

We each have only two or three minutes left to live.

Fortunately taking a breath resets the clock.

Protecting The Environment

From smbc

Scientists have today announced they have invented a car that is fuelled by parsley.

They are now working on a train that runs on thyme!

Problems With Recursion

From smbc

There are two kinds of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say:

"There are two kinds of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say:

"There are two kinds of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say:

"There are two kinds of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say . . .

In Your House

From smbc

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Britney Spears.

Britney Spears who?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Oops I did It again!

Room Of Delights

From smbc

Sweet dreams are made of cheese

Who am I to diss-a-Brie?

I Cheddar the world and the Feta cheese,

Everybody's looking for Stilton.

Unsatisfying Life

And then he rose from the dead? I can barely get out of bed for work!

From smbc

Could anyone help me with my Easter crossword puzzle?

2 Across: "Where they nailed Jesus."

Better Impulse Control

From smbc

I just bought a blindfold on impulse.

I can't see myself wearing it though.

Artificial Incompetence

From smbc

How do we know when Artificial Intelligence has become self-aware?

It starts to think its bot is too big.