Making Friends

From Little Porpoise

Yesterday I tried that new laxative that contains goose feathers.

Today I'm feeling down in the dumps.

Helpful Spiders

From Little Porpoise

The Helpful Wife

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry, you were going 80.

- Man gives his wife a dirty look -

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken rear light.

Man: Broken rear light? I didn't know about a broken rear light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you have known about that rear light for weeks.

- Man gives his wife a dirty look -

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he is drunk.

Sticky Situation

From Little Porpoise

This morning I saw my neighbour talking to her cat.

It was clear that she thought that the cat understood her.

I went home and told my dog.

We laughed and laughed.

Context Matters

From Little Porpoise

My wife woke up this morning and said, "I had a dream last night that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?"

I said, "You'll find out later".

So, when I came home later, I handed her a package.

Inside the package was a book called "Your Dreams and What They Mean".

Origin Story

From Little Porpoise

What does every woman in the world want?

Nothing. They're fine.

Balancing Act

From Little Porpoise