Dog, Genie

From Asher Perlman

A fortune teller told me that in 10 to 15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced.

I was so upset to learn this that I decided to cheer myself up.

I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier.

Long Wait?

Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy got.

News Puppy

From The Perry Bible Fellowship

A young lady goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner for her first meeting with the family and she is very, very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal, but after the broccoli soup starter, she begins to feel a little discomfort.

The pressure on her stomach is almost enough to make her eyes water and left with little alternative, she decides to relieve herself by letting out a little wind.

It wasn't loud, but everyone around the table definitely appeared to hear a little pffft.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked around for the family dog that had been snoozing beneath the table and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy?"

'Phew!' she immediately thought and allowed half a smile to cross her face.

But a couple of minutes later she felt the gas building up again, only this time she didn't hesitate and let out a much louder, longer rip.

Once again, her boyfriend's father immediately yelled at the dog, "Skippy???"

So once more she smiled slyly and thought, 'Yes. Thank goodness for Skippy.'

Yet just another couple of minutes went by before she let out the fart of all farts and didn't even bother to try and disguise it.

At that, her boyfriend's father stood up in disgust, looked at the dog and yelled, "Damn it, Skippy! Get away from that woman before she shits all over your head."

Emergency

From Buni Comic

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Owning Pets

From LunarBaboon

Classified Adverts

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in UK Newspapers:
 
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.