Hang In There Fellas, Not Long Now

On Christmas Eve last year I told my wife I was popping to the shops.

She said, "While you're there, can you get some fairy liquid, detergent and some dishwasher tablets.

I said, "Can't you wait till tomorrow when you open your presents?"

Rise and Shine

From Loading Artist

When I was a kid, my mother told me to put a clean pair of socks on each day.

By the time I got to Saturday I couldn't get my shoes on!

Bedsocks

From It's Just Reese

Me: "I'm full of lust but I can't perform in bed"

Doctor: "Do you struggle with the booze?"

Me: *looks at wife* "The booing is bad but the slow clapping is just sarcastic"

The Sock

From LunarBaboon

It was a very painful day when my mother took me aside and said, "Son, your father and I have something to tell you – you were adopted".

What made it worse was when she said, "Your new parents are waiting outside in the car".

Combined Plea And Evidence

From Bizarro

Perfect Match