Love Birds

From Loading Artist

I ordered a whole duck at the Chinese last night.

It was great until I got to the bill.

How Trains Are Made

From Skeleton Claw

"How do you fancy having the best sex you ever dreamed of darling?" I asked the drop dead gorgeous young lady in the pub last night.

She looked at me with utter disdain and said "No I bloody well don't fancy that at all!"

I said "Well, I'm your man then!"

Money On The Table

 

From smbc

Dating For Dummies

From Bizarro

A young ventriloquist was doing a show. With his dummy on his knee, he started going through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde in the second row stood on her chair and started shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes," she screamed. "What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the colour of person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people. It's all because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general - and all in the name of humour."

The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologise, whereupon the blonde yelled, "You stay out of this. I'm talking to that little bastard on your lap.