Paradise Fetish

From Bird and Moon

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A chicken.

Christmas Field Guide

From Bird and Moon

Does anyone have the recipe for figgy pudding?

I've had carol singers outside my door for hours now and they won't go away until they've got some.

How To Have A Perfect Evening

From Bird and Moon

Do you hate it when people answer their own questions?

I do.

Cheep Talk

From Bird and Moon

"My wife's gone to the West Indies to watch a comedian"

"Jimmy Carr?"

"No, Trinidad"

Some Enchanted Evening

From Bird and Moon

Insects are apparently the superfood of the future.

I tried eating caterpillars but it made me too nervous.

Gave me butterflies in my stomach.

My Kind Of Photography

From Bird and Moon

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him.

To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

Demanding

From Bird and Moon

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song.

Chick Peas can hummus one.

Animals With Misleading Names

From Bird and Moon

I've never been a fan of The Smashing Pumpkins.

They're just trying to be Pulp.

Turkey Vulture

From Bird and Moon

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Attenborough

From Bird and Moon

Earlier this year in a charity shop I bought an old vinyl single called "Sounds Wasps Make" out of curiosity.

I finally played it the other day and said to myself "This doesn't sound like wasps"

Then I realised I was playing the Bee side.

Crush

From Bird and Moon

I found a badly injured owl so I tried to put it out of its misery. It took me almost three hours to wring its neck.