Belated Confession

From Loose Parts

One time I made eye contact with a beautiful woman on the train and I'll never forget what she said.

She said 'Stop touching my eye'.

Who's Not A Good Boy?

From OffTheMark

I went to see my new solicitor today and asked him what his fee was.

He said "I charge £100 for three questions".

I said "That's awfully steep, isn't it?"

"Yes" he said "Now what's your final question?"