Apple Intern

From Dustinteractive

I've just dropped my mobile phone.

Luckily it was in flight mode so it landed safely.

Apple Burgers

From FoodBeast

I spotted someone stealing something from the Apple Store.

So new, I'm an iWitness.

Preserving Language

From smbc

My Grandma always used to say, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

I don't know if that's true, or just one of Granny's myths.

An AI Halloween

From Wrong Hands

I'm not going to be buying any apples this Hallowe'en.

That should save me a bob or two.

William Tell v René Magritte

From Liniers Cartoon

Satanic Tennis

From Rhymes With Orange

TOP TIP: Pretend you're a professional tennis player by asking your greengrocer for three apples and then rolling one back to him.

Appeeling Banana

From Strange Brew

Apples are a lot like oranges.

They're both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can't compare them to each other.

Healthy Food

From Scott Metzger

I broke up with my gym.

We were just not working out.

Apple Salesman

From Looks Good On Paper

What do you call someone who sees an Apple store getting robbed?

An iWitness.

Regime

From Reality Check

Which fruit is most like a number?

... nine, ten, a lemon, twelve, ...

Amazon Primate

From Speedbump

I went to the Apple Store with my grandmother on Saturday.

She's so old fashioned.

She still calls it the greengrocers.

Doctor Apple Arms Race

From xkcd

If Stephen Hawking is such a genius, why isn't he working in an Apple Store?

Photobomb

From Bizarro

My wife said

nothing rhymes with orange

but before despair could befall her

I corrected Angela

or Ange

as I call her

by Henry Normal

PunFest

1. Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.

2. Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake.

3. I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.

4. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

5. I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.

6. I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

7. Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.

8. Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.

9. Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.

10. I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.

11. I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.

12. A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore

13. Just got a job playing triangle in a reggae band. I stand at the back and ting.

14. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

15. My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

16. Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.

17. I used to have a problem where I couldn't stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I'm over it now. Happy Days.

18. My wife's working in a bowling alley.

Ten pin?

No, permanent.

19. Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.

20. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.

21. Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.

22. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

23. I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.

24. Did you know that owls can't breed in the rain? It's too wet to woo.

25. When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down

26. Dad: I've just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome.

Mum: Is it common?

Dad: It's Not Unusual

27. My wife asked me if I could please stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybe.

My First Apple Product

Apple Blender

From JimBenton

 

The Golden Shot

An Apple A Day

From Cyanide & Happiness

Approach Revised

Granny Smith