How Placebos Work

From GoatToSelf

Affirmations work?

Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

Sharing

From Jonesy

I've cut down on my drinking, and now only have one vodka before going to bed.

Last night I went to bed eight times.

Street Crime

From Pardon My Planet

Took my son out for his first pint last night.

Got him a Heineken.

He didn't like it so I had it.

Got him a Carlsberg.

He didn't like that either, so I had that as well.

Same with the Cider and Guinness.

By the time we got to the whisky I could hardly push the pram.

Dry January

From Reality Check

To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

Volunteer?

From Bizarro

I got a Jehovah's Witness advent calendar this year.

Behind every door is someone telling you to go away and leave them alone.

Thirsty

From Dogs on the 4th

I used to be an eight pints a night guy until my doctor told me I had to cut it down by half.

So now I'm a seven and a half pints a night!

Fight Fire With . . .

From smbc

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Doggy Bag?

From Scott Metzger

I arrived early at the restaurant last night.

The manager said, "Do you mind waiting for a bit?"

I said "Not at all".

He said "Great, take these drinks to table 7″

Drink O'Clock

From James Breakwell

Is it OK that I start drinking as soon as the kids go to school? Or does that make me a bad teacher?

Life Hacks

From Imgur

Wee-erd Fruit Juice

From TheArgyleSweater

Maybe This Is The Vodka Talking

 

From xkcd

 

Phrasing Is Important

From smbc

Location, Location, Location

From Bizarro