How Placebos Work

From GoatToSelf

Affirmations work?

Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

Sharing

From Jonesy

I've cut down on my drinking, and now only have one vodka before going to bed.

Last night I went to bed eight times.

Street Crime

From Pardon My Planet

Took my son out for his first pint last night.

Got him a Heineken.

He didn't like it so I had it.

Got him a Carlsberg.

He didn't like that either, so I had that as well.

Same with the Cider and Guinness.

By the time we got to the whisky I could hardly push the pram.

Troublesome Little Piggy

From The Argyle Sweater

It was early last September

As near as I can remember

While strolling down a lane in tipsy pride

Not a word did I utter

As I lay down in the gutter

And this pig came up and lay there by my side

 

Not a soul was I disturbing

As I lay there by the curbing

When a high toned lady passed I heard her say:

You can tell a man who boozes

By the company he chooses

And the pig got up and slowly walked away

Dry January

From Reality Check

To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

Fight Fire With . . .

From smbc

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Indian Hills Community Center Punny Signs

When I was in America, my son and I went shopping in Walmart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder Eggs. She said “Oh no sir, we don’t sell them in the States – they’re a health hazard!” I said “OK, I’ll just take these two assault rifles then”.

InFLUence

 From Pardon My Planet

Decisions

From Fowl Language Comics

From Rhymes With Orange

Remember when horse-meat ready meals were our biggest worry? Good times.

Cursed Goals

From xkcd

From Pearls Before Swine

Are we purchasing school clothes or more alcohol in August? Just asking for a friend.

Drink O'Clock

From James Breakwell

Is it OK that I start drinking as soon as the kids go to school? Or does that make me a bad teacher?

Shopping For Essentials

From The Bent Pinky by Scott Metzger

From Rhymes With Orange

Essentials

House Cleaning Opportunity

"Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished. So I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!

A Century Of Progress

From Wrong Hands

Maybe This Is The Vodka Talking

 

From xkcd

 

Party Store

From Bizarro

Beer

From xkcd

Shopping

From Faceless

Drinking To Forget

From Bizarro

Brill:     Why do you drink so much?
Martin: I drink to forget.
Brill:     That’s sad.
Martin: It could be a lot sadder.
Brill:     What could be sadder than drinking to forget?
Martin: I could forget to drink.
- Marty Brill and Dean Martin