Old Jokes

  

    

   

There's a rumour going round that Spandau Ballet are going to re-release one of their old singles.

I hope it's not True.

Remote

From Junk Drawer

I was amazed the first time I saw a universal remote

I thought to myself, "This changes everything!"

One Please

From The Jenkins

From Buni Comic

From Honey Dill

I got this new TV remote, and it had a big red button that said 'Cinema Mode'.

So, I clicked on it and this voice behind me went: "Shut up in front will you, I'm trying to watch the film".

Whiteboards Are Remarkable

I hate Russian dolls.  They’re just so full of themselves.

I asked my North Korean friend how he liked living over there.  He said he couldn’t complain.

The other day my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

I haven’t slept for three days; because that would be too long.

The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, “This changes everything”.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a ban from the local zoo.

You can never lose a homing pigeon.  If it doesn’t come back home, what you’ve lost is a pigeon.