The Mumbot

From JimBenton

I was going to nail a shelf to my wall, but then I thought . . .

. . . screw it!

Robot Driver

From Andertoons

I was driving to work a bit lively this morning when I was stopped by a police officer.

He said, "You were going a bit fast sir, what would have happened if you had suddenly come across Mister Fog?"

I replied sarcastically, "I would have trod on Mister Brake of course."

He said, "I will repeat the question sir; what would have happened if you had suddenly come across Mist or Fog?"

Robot Takeover

From smbc

The secret to happiness is not comparing yourself to others and I think I'm better at that than most people.

Robot Problems

From Scribbly G

The guy next door spent all his money on a sex change.

Now he hasn't got a sausage.

An AI Halloween

From Wrong Hands

I'm not going to be buying any apples this Hallowe'en.

That should save me a bob or two.

11 Delaneys

A palindromedary camel has the same number of humps going backwards or forwards.

More Americans are killed in shootings than by fire and that's because if you shout "fire" in America someone will shoot you.

 

I love looking at things through a magnifying glass to see what they're made of, for example not many people know this but ants are actually made of fire.  

 

I got bit by a donkey once.

It was on holiday in Spain.

Who even knew donkeys had holidays?

 

Password tip for married men.

Use something you did wrong as that way your wife will never let you forget it.

 

My robot friend always wondered why his family ran on DC current but he ran on AC, until one day he found out he was adapted.

 

My Grandad was a famous spy in World War Two, which is how he got caught.

 

I saw a sign in Specsavers saying children should not be left without supervision. If they had that they wouldn't be in Specsavers.

 

One time I burped in front of the Queen which is a crime but it's OK as she gave me a pardon.

 

I'm not saying I'm accident prone but I just got a paper cut from a risk assessment form.

 

My first wife left me because of my obsession with clickbait and you won't believe what happened next.

Artificial Incompetence

From smbc

How do we know when Artificial Intelligence has become self-aware?

It starts to think its bot is too big.

Moving On

From Reality Check

Me: "The kids haven't eaten their vegetables"

Wife: "Ok just throw them out"

[later]

Me *helping the kids pack a suitcase*: "Look I'm as surprised as you are"

Married Robots

From Rhymes With Orange

Reasons my wife gets mad at me:

1. Something something something

2. Some other stuff

3. I don't pay attention when she talks

Emotional Search

From Cyanide & Happiness

What do you call a sexually harassed robot?

R2#metoo

Machine Learning Captcha

From xkcd

If Microsoft Word has taught me anything it's that if I want to get a point across, I need to use bullets.

Replaced By Technology

From F Minus

I was going to give my change to a tramp today, but his sign said 'ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU'. So I held onto it, just in case.

Captcha

From smbc

Prove You're Not A Robot

From Speedbump

Automation

From Skeleton Claw

The Sacred Texts

From LightRoastComics

Well Earned Badge

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

Political Arguments

From smbc

Good Morning Future Bot

 

From LunarBaboon

Rounding

 

From TheArgyleSweater

 

From smbc