Parent / Teacher Evening

From Scott Johnston Cartoons

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.

The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket.

After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

Bowl Fight

From The Argyle Sweater

I remember when I knocked out the school bully.

I thought I'd be an instant hero.

But apparently it was "appalling behaviour" for a parent.

Do You Like Me?

From ExtraFabulousComics

I told my hot colleague how I felt.

Turns out, she felt the same way.

So, I turned on the air conditioning.

The Life Of A Teenage Mantis 3

From War and Peas

People With French Accents

From World of Moose

When I was a kid, my parents would always say, "Excuse my French" after swearing.

I'll never forget my first French lesson at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

Podcast

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

I've had the shits for 6 weeks now.

This morning I was talking to a neighbour who's a doctor.

He told me not to worry and that they go back to school today!

Dangerous

From Cathy Wilcox

My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

Tricks Of The Trade

From Mark Lynch

I had my phone stolen yesterday but the laugh's on them,

I've already used up all my free minutes.

Sucking

From Dinos and Comics

Interviewer: "Any weaknesses?"

Me: "Sometimes I'm ill prepared"

Interviewer: "Can you give an example?"

Me: "What, now?"

English Lit : Lord Of The Flies

From The Jenkins

My English teacher looked my way and said, "Name two pronouns".

I said, "Who, me?"

Kindergarten Problem

From Liniers Cartoon

A kindergarten teacher asked her students what part of the body grew 10x its size when stimulated.

All of the students stayed quiet until Little Susie stood up and said, "I'm going to tell my mommy and daddy what you're teaching us!"

The teacher didn't answer her and asked the class again, "What part of the body grows 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Susie began to turn red in the face and said, "My parents are going to tell the principal and have you fired!"

Again, the teacher ignored her and asked a third time, with Little Mikey finally saying, "The pupil of the eye."

The teacher said, "You're correct, Little Mikey.

"And as for you, Little Susie:

"One, you have a dirty mind.

"Two, you didn't do your homework.

"And three, you're going to be *very* disappointed one day."

Learning New Tricks

From Bliss

From The Far Side

My son came home from school and told me he had ADD.

I said "What's that son?"

He said "Dunno, I wasn't paying attention".

Bored Housewife

From Mark Lynch

For my American friends:

It's Mum not Mom

It's crisps not chips

It's chips not fries

It's football not soccer

It's school not shooting range

EFL Class

From The Argyle Sweater

Apparently, it's only repartée if it comes from the Repartée region of France.

Otherwise, it's just sparkling wit.

Diesel Train

From Rhymes With Orange

Even though I never went to boarding school,

I still know how to get on a train.

Warning Sign

From Dogs on the 4th

I live near a remedial school.

There's a sign that says, 'slow – children'.

That can't be good for their self-esteem.

But look on the positive side . . . they can't read it.

Welcome To Hogwarts

From BerkeleyMews

You come from dust; you will return to dust.

That's why I don't dust.

It could be someone I know.

Crush

From Cyanide & Happiness

My daughter is at that stage where she finds it embarrassing to be seen out with me.

When I dropped her off at school this morning, she wouldn't even kiss me goodbye.

She just left me standing there in my underpants and sombrero.

Tier System

UK warned it faces 'a tough Christmas' after man trying to make sense of tier system says he'll probably leave it this year:

 - HIGNFY

Getting to grips with the rules:

Can people from different households meet?

No

What about the pub?

Yes

 

Can you meet in groups over 6?

No?

What about schools?

Yes

 

Can people go to the theatre if they are wearing masks?

No

What about an aeroplane?

Yes

 

Do you know what you're doing?

Yes

Really?

No

Back To School

From Lio

From Matt

As schools begin to reopen, headteachers remind staff not to forget their PPE kit. - HIGNFY