Security

From Cyanide & Happiness

I sell security alarms door to door and I'm really good at it.

If no-one is at home I just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

Dry January

From Reality Check

To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

Just Like Gladys

From Leigh Rubin

I said to my mate, "Did you know that 75% of men stick their fingers up their bum whilst in the shower? Do you know what the other 25% do?"

He said, "No, what?"

I said, "You dirty bastard!"

Life Cycle

From Barely Baked Beans

For a survey I asked people what soap they use in the shower.

90% of them told me to get out.

Shopping On The Plains

From Farcus

A husband in the shower calls to his wife, "I can't find the shampoo, where is it?"

His wife replies, "It's next to the conditioner on the shelf."

The husband shouts back, "That one's no good, it says on the bottle that it's for dry hair, and I've got mine wet."

Otherwise Engaged

From GoatToSelf

Oh, the grand old Duke of York

He had twelve million quid

He gave it to an American girl

For something he never did.

Poop Technique

Husband: "I've cleaned the bathroom."

Wife: "Aw, thanks babe."

Husband: "Remind me why we keep the toilet brush in the shower?"

Wife: "What?"

Husband: "The toilet brush. Why do we keep it in the shower?"

Wife: "What the hell are you talking about?"

Husband: "That Shredded Wheat thing."

Wife: "MY LOOFAH?"

Husband: "What? You're telling me you named the damn toilet brush?"

Understanding Weather Forecasts

 

From xkcd

I passed my Calculus Theory Test, so just the Practical part to do before I get my Deriving Licence.

Photo Revolution

From Andertoons

I spent the morning trying to take a decent picture of myself in the shower but I wasn't able to take one that I was happy with.

I guess it must be because I have selfie steam issues.

Useful Masks

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

Never Give Up

From Scribbly G

Does anyone know whether we can start taking showers again yet, or should we just keep washing our hands?

Household Tips

From xkcd

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