Yoda's Grave

From OffTheMark

Obi Wan: "Yoda, why did the Star Wars movies come out 4,5,6,1,2,3?"

Yoda: "In charge of scheduling I was."

Bad Job Prospects

From See Mike Draw

A Short Poem for #StarWarsDay

 

Her name was Yoda,

A showgirl she was.

From Brian Bilston

Toad - In 3000D

From The Argyle Sweater

Q: What do you get if you cross a science fiction film with a toad?

A: Star Warts

Mixed Metaphors

From Real Life Adventures

For all those who like to compare a situation with Star Wars to explain it better:

metaphors be with you.

Stay Safe While Crossing To The Dark Side

Darth Vader was played by Green Cross Code man, but his voice was replaced by James Earl Jones, when he tried to sneak in the line 'Stop, Luke, and listen!' - Gary Delaney

Mobiles

I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up.

Why didn't the skeleton have a mobile? He had no body to talk to.

I got an SMS telling me that Rosberg would win this year's Formula One championship. Predictive texts drive me mad.

Fell asleep on my smartphone the other day. I had downloaded a nap.

What network is Luke Skywalker on? Yodafone.

What's the most popular network in Yorkshire? T'Mobile.

Why does Mr Potato Head have a mobile? In case Mr Onion Rings.

Put my phone into Airplane mode. What a rubbish transformer.

A friend of mine used to take his iron to his job at the telephone exchange. He was a smooth operator.

My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.

A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.

I can't picture myself without a camera phone.

Speeding along at 60, there was a buzz from my mobile on the dashboard. 

"Your phone just went," said my wife. 

"It's only a text," I replied. "I'll check it when we get there." 

She picked up the phone, and looked at it suspiciously. Then she tapped the screen, scrolled down and started reading. "I thought so," she sneered. "It's yet another crap joke from Dave about women being bad drivers." 

"Watch the road," I snapped. "You just ran a red light."

I said to my mate, "You should treat your girlfriend the same way you treat your cell phone."

He said, "What, take good care of her, and never lose her."

I said, "No, upgrade every couple of years."

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Tripping

What's great about living in Switzerland?

Well the flag is a big plus.

Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.

Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake.

Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. I laughed more than I thought.

Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.

I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.

My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.

Did you know that owls can't breed in the rain? It's too wet to woo.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.  I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

I told my girlfriend that she'd drawn her eyebrows on to high.  She seemed surprised.

Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5 and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3?

Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

A Team Style

Bad At Grammar He Is

Teacup Holding Explained

Space Pirate Wars

Disney Set To Release Three New Star Wars Films After Buying LucasFilms

The new Death Star:

Leaked posters for episode 7:

The Most Vulgar Character Of All Time