Beach Bodies

From OffTheMark

I can't believe that the morning has disappeared already and I've hardly got anything done.

All because Facebook was down so I had to phone 42 of my friends to find out what they had for breakfast.

Decattynated

From Break of Day

I bought a circular rug that I saw on eBay the other day.

When I unwrapped it and rolled it out, I discovered that there's a great big hole in the middle.

I emailed the seller to complain.

He wrote me back saying the advert had clearly stated that the: "Rug is in mint condition".

Digging A Hole

From Infinite Guff

From Infinite Guff

As pharmaceutical companies race to create a coronavirus vaccine, scientists admit the only way to guarantee complete protection is becoming Boris Johnson’s chief adviser .

Government says it remains focused on keeping R rate down, particularly where the R stands for ‘resignation’.