Never Satisfied

From Bliss

My sex change operation from male to female went really well.

It was so successful, I'm still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.

The Cycle

From Remi Lascault

Why did the baker have brown hands?

He needed a poo.

Loving Spiders

From Break of Day

For Valentine's Day my wife said she wanted to be wooed so I booked us two tickets on a ghost train.

Favourite

From Andertoons

Daughter: Can I keep the night light on?

Dad: And provide the monsters with a beacon to your location? Use your head sweetie.

Mix Up

From Joseph Nowak

Her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please?

Waiter: Of course,

Me: It didn't say it had nuts.

Her: I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe.

Me: That makes sense.

Waiter: And for you sir?

Me: Steak, no bees, please?

Untrained Dog

From Bliss

So, the Movember Moustache was finally shaved off this morning.

I'm so happy . . . my wife was starting to look like Tom Selleck.

Imaginary Friends

From JimBenton

Did you know . . .

. . . that you can fly from any airport in the country without posting it on Facebook?

Sticky Trap

From Safely Endangered

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honey combs!

Happy New Year

From Strange Brew

I've opened a gym called Resolutions.

It will have exercise equipment for the first two weeks . . .

. . . and then it will turn into a bar for the rest of the year.

Disappointment

From The Jenkins

I bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket yesterday.

First thing this morning I sprayed it all over myself.

I'm very disappointed; I still can't fly.

Fly Food

From Scribbly G

It's true, you know, Foster's lager really does taste like piss.

At least, the half-full can I found in the park this morning did.

Toad - In 3000D

From The Argyle Sweater

Q: What do you get if you cross a science fiction film with a toad?

A: Star Warts

Flying Animals

From Buni Comic

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried.

"We better catch an airplane to Mexico, let's go to the airport!"

So, they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them.

"What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore."

So, they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal.

They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."

"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"

"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

Putrid Proposal

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

My bedside light turned into a butterfly this morning.

That's the last time I buy a larvae lamp.

Flysight Test

From Loose Parts

Trying to break up with an optician is hard. Every time I tell her I can't see her any more, she just moves an inch closer and says "How about now?"

Fly Tennis

From Bizarro

Wild Mood Swing

From Bizarro

Flyopia

From TheArgyleSweater

Seat Selection

From xkcd

Appreciation

From Bizarro