Burglar

From Jonesy

Who did the dinosaur call when he was being robbed?

The triceracops.

Cat Burglar

From OffTheMark

I never thought that I'd be the sort of person who'd wake up early in the morning to exercise.

I was right.

Local Map

From Andertoons

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

I've just been to my local hospital and, whilst I was parking, I saw a sign saying "Thieves Operate Here".

Surely it would be safer to leave it to the Surgeons? 

Habitual Criminal

From Rhymes With Orange

When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

Oyster Therapy

From Skeleton Claw

The most flamboyant chess player of the 80's was Grandmaster Flash.

Cat Burglar

From Bliss

My loopy neighbour has invited me to her cat's birthday party on Saturday.

Is she crazy?

She knows my dog is getting married that day!

Teeth Marks

From OffTheMark

That's the last time I use a Chinese barber.

I asked for a Number 4 all over and I'm still trying to get the chop suey out of my hair.

Homeworking With Masks

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

It’s been a great blessing to be home with the wife for the last few months. We’ve caught up on everything that I’ve done wrong over the last 20 years.

Thief

From LunarBaboon

Romance? Dead?

From PainTrain