Wake Up Music

When I woke up this morning my alarm clock was playing The Brandenburg Concertos.

My wife told me not to worry as it always goes Bach at this time of year.

Turning Back The Clock

From Portsherry

If you can't remember whether to put your clocks forward or back this weekend, here's a handy phrase to help you remember:

The clocks go back this weekend.

Phone Clock

From Loose Parts

Her: Let's exchange numbers.

Him: Won't that just confuse people who are trying to call us?

Turning Back Time

From Looks Good On Paper

A 90 year old woman walks by her bathroom on the last Saturday night of October and sees her 90 year old husband.

He has a can of black spray paint and is spray painting his nether regions.

She stops and yells, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"

Time Machine

From Scribbly G

The inventor of the snooze button has died.

His funeral will take place tomorrow at 6.00, 6.09, 6.18, 6.27 and 6.36.

Feverish Times

From Cyanide & Happiness

I forgot to put my clock forward at the end of March and ended up being an hour late for absolutely nothing whatsoever.

Timely Job

No More

From Buni Comic

PunFest

1. Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.

2. Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake.

3. I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.

4. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

5. I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.

6. I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

7. Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.

8. Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.

9. Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.

10. I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.

11. I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.

12. A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore

13. Just got a job playing triangle in a reggae band. I stand at the back and ting.

14. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

15. My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

16. Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.

17. I used to have a problem where I couldn't stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I'm over it now. Happy Days.

18. My wife's working in a bowling alley.

Ten pin?

No, permanent.

19. Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.

20. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.

21. Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.

22. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

23. I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.

24. Did you know that owls can't breed in the rain? It's too wet to woo.

25. When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down

26. Dad: I've just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome.

Mum: Is it common?

Dad: It's Not Unusual

27. My wife asked me if I could please stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybe.

End Of Summer

From Fowl Language Comics

Buni Accidents

 

From Buni Comic

 

From Buni Comic

 

From Buni Comic

 

From Buni Comic

 

From Buni Comic

Relive The Worst Moment Of Your Day

From JimBenton