I confused my Scottish GP today . . .
. . . by telling him I had knee problems.
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Thursday, 25 September 2025
Friday, 26 July 2024
Carrot Juice
As a man is walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car.
After rushing to the hospital, the man paces the waiting room until the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery.
"Doctor, is my carrot alive, is it ok?"
The doctor sighs. "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive".
The man breathes a sigh of relief. "What's the bad news doctor?"
The doctor looks him in the eyes and says, "Well I'm sorry but it's going be a vegetable for the rest of its life."
Thursday, 18 July 2024
Local Map
I've just been to my local hospital and, whilst I was parking, I saw a sign saying "Thieves Operate Here".
Surely it would be safer to leave it to the Surgeons?
Friday, 5 January 2024
Cause For Concern?
My uncle got daffodil bulbs mixed up with his onions.
He made a Spanish omelette with them and had to be rushed to hospital.
They reckon he'll be out in the Spring.
Thursday, 26 October 2023
Disastrous Accident
A man rushes to the doctor's and cries out, "Doctor, you've got to help me; I feel like I'm shrinking".
"Calm down", replies the doctor. "You'll just have to learn to be a little patient".
Friday, 19 August 2022
Modern Children
BREAKING NEWS:
A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
Tuesday, 3 August 2021
Panda Pranks
Last night my wife sent me a text, saying she was in casualty.
When I got home, I watched all 50 minutes of it – I didn't see her once.
She still hasn't come home yet.
I'm starving! :(
Wednesday, 13 January 2021
Vegetative
People say that if we want to save the planet, we should all be vegan. I say we should all be cannibals. If everyone ate one other person, they would reduce their carbon footprint by 50%. If you really want to make a difference, eat a pilot.
Saturday, 4 July 2020
A Taste Of Freedom
EXCLUSIVE: List of confirmed opening times for Super Saturday.
11.00 - Red Lion
12.00 - King's Head
13.00 - Royal Oak
14.00 - Rose and Crown
21.00 - NHS Nightingale
Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?
Husband: You were never really skinny!
Time of Death: 11.32 4/7/2020
Cause of Death: Coronavirus
Thursday, 31 August 2017
Wednesday, 16 August 2017
Wednesday, 17 May 2017
Wednesday, 28 December 2016
Wednesday, 1 June 2016
Tuesday, 19 April 2016
Friday, 4 July 2014
Thursday, 29 May 2014
Friday, 9 May 2014
Tuesday, 8 October 2013
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