Suspense

From Speedbump

The tensest crowd I've ever seen was at the funeral of the man who invented the Jack-in-the-box.

Need A Ride?

From Benvinodi

A kid walks from his bedroom in a Tortoise costume.

Mother: Why are you wearing that costume?

Kid: I'm going to that costume party.

Mother: Isn't that next week?

Kid: Yeah, but I'm a Tortoise.

Diving Board Snails

From Mike Seddon Cartoons

I told my son not to use that 12 inch cotton bud I had left in the bathroom, but did he listen?

In one ear and out of the other!

Detour

From Bliss

Travel Update:

A lorry carrying incontinence pants has shed its load on the motorway.

Police are warning of long delays due to rubberknickers!

Snail Mailman

From Loading Artist

I've been waiting almost 6 weeks for the glue I ordered from Amazon to arrive.

I think it must have got stuck in the post!

Unheeded Warning

From Rhymes With Orange

If snails are so slow, why don't we ever see them coming?

It's just boom, there's another snail.

Evail Kniesnail

From Speedbump

I removed the shell from my racing snail.

I thought it would make it faster, but if anything it's become even more sluggish.

Working From Home Problems

From OffTheMark

From OffTheMark

From OffTheMark

From OffTheMark

From OffTheMark

From OffTheMark

From OffTheMark

From JimBenton

Tortoise

From Faceless

Four tortoises were playing in the backyard when they decided they needed hibiscus flower snacks. They pooled their money and sent the smallest tortoise out to fetch the snacks. Two days passed and there was no sign of the tortoise.
"You know, Shellita is getting really slow", said one of the tortoises.
A little voice from just beyond the fence said, " If you are going to talk about me I won't go."


A disturbed tortoise crawls into a police station.
"I've been robbed by a murderous gang of snails, he announces.
"Calm down," says a cop. "Just tell us everything that happened."
"That's difficult," says the tortoise. "It all happened so fast!"

Snail Features

From The Perry Bible Fellowship