Three Bucks

From Dogs on the 4th

What do you call a chicken that’s staring at a lettuce?

Chicken Sees A Salad.

Bonus

From Buni Comic

I am on a diet and my friend asked me how it's going.

"Not good", I said, "I had eggs for breakfast."

"Fried?" He asked.

"Chocolate!" I replied.

A Kiss From A Fair Maiden

From Tim Rickard

After kissing a girl on her sofa for a while she said, "let's take this upstairs".

"Okay", I said, "you grab one end and I'll grab the other".

Just Like Gladys

From Leigh Rubin

I said to my mate, "Did you know that 75% of men stick their fingers up their bum whilst in the shower? Do you know what the other 25% do?"

He said, "No, what?"

I said, "You dirty bastard!"

Something To Look Forward To

From Dinos and Comics

I saw a sign in a restaurant.

"Chicken Dinner: £1.50"

I went in and ordered one.

The waiter brought me a plate of bird seed.

Paradise Fetish

From Bird and Moon

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A chicken.

Parents Night Out

From Mother Goose & Grimm (22nd of March 2007)

I was walking along the street and this bloke kept trying to give me a chicken.

I'm thinking that I'm going to make a run for it.

Early Risers

From OffTheMark

[in a US airport]

"You can't take nail clippers on a plane, you might hijack it"

[on a US street]

"Why do you have that machine gun?"

"Hunting"

Buddy, You're A Fowl, Got A Big Scowl

From TheArgyleSweater

I went to a bar last night to watch a Swedish pop duo sing a few songs, but when I arrived everyone else was leaving.

I said to the barmaid, "This is the place where Roxette are performing isn't it?"

She said "It must have been, love, but it's over now".

Fresh

From Buni Comic

I told my mum that WTF stands for Wow, That's Fantastic.

Her texts are so much more fun now.

KFC Genome

From White Outs Comics

Henrietta

Early Start

From Liz Climo

Tasty Treats

From Official Pickles

Subtitles

From Bizarro

SpellCh'ck

The Surreal McCoy

Egg Whyte

 

From Buni Comic

Legendary Brothers

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From Bizarro

Touting For Business

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From Bizarro

 

Farmyard Frolics

From Waynovision

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.