Need A Ride?

From Benvinodi

A kid walks from his bedroom in a Tortoise costume.

Mother: Why are you wearing that costume?

Kid: I'm going to that costume party.

Mother: Isn't that next week?

Kid: Yeah, but I'm a Tortoise.

Shells and Heads

From The Argyle Sweater

I'm really happy with my vegetable patch.

I haven't wanted a vegetable in weeks.

Experienced

From Speedbump

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a female's body.

Then I was born.

Revolutionary Diet

From Moderately Confused

A whale swims all day, only consumes fish and water, and is fat.

A rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day long, and only lives 5 years.

Meanwhile a tortoise doesn't run and does nothing energetic, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to eat well and exercise! I don't think so.

Co-Habitortoise

From The Argyle Sweater

We were out having dinner when my girlfriend said, "We've been living together for three years now and you still haven't popped the question"

"Good point, when are you moving out?" I asked.

Shell Problems

From OffTheMark

From The Argyle Sweater

I went to an osteopath to sort out my bad posture.

I used to think they were all charlatans, but now I stand corrected.

Helping Hand

From LunarBaboon

Dead Heat

 

From ExtraFabulousComics

 

Tortoise

From Faceless

Four tortoises were playing in the backyard when they decided they needed hibiscus flower snacks. They pooled their money and sent the smallest tortoise out to fetch the snacks. Two days passed and there was no sign of the tortoise.
"You know, Shellita is getting really slow", said one of the tortoises.
A little voice from just beyond the fence said, " If you are going to talk about me I won't go."


A disturbed tortoise crawls into a police station.
"I've been robbed by a murderous gang of snails, he announces.
"Calm down," says a cop. "Just tell us everything that happened."
"That's difficult," says the tortoise. "It all happened so fast!"

The Tortoise And The Hare and The Tortoises

From Liz Climo