Devices

From F Minus

I bumped into someone from my flashers' club in town earlier.

It's always nice to see a fellow member.  

Bad Dog

From Speedbump

Some girl has stolen my phone and keeps taking naked selfies of herself.

It's getting out of hand, my photos backup file is getting full of them now.

Can someone help me track her down please?

I need to give her the charger before the phone runs out of power.

Mealtimes in 1965

From Strange Brew

I just bought some counterfeit Mr Kipling cakes.

I must say, they're exceedingly good fakes.

Wise Dog

From Half-Full

I used to find it annoying enough when I got my signature wrong.

But now, thanks to my new iPhone, I sometimes get my face wrong too.

Mealtime Manners

From Speedbump

My family and I are having a competition to see who can steal the most dog related stuff from our local pet shop.

I've just taken the lead!

How To Attend A Concert

From Wumo

I am hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm.

If you can't come, let me know.

Beach Bodies

From OffTheMark

I can't believe that the morning has disappeared already and I've hardly got anything done.

All because Facebook was down so I had to phone 42 of my friends to find out what they had for breakfast.

Seeing The Light

From Joseph Nowak

"You have a reminder set for 5pm today," my phone said.

"A reminder? What is it?" I asked.

"It's a notification to ensure you don't forget something, but that's not important right now," the phone replied.

Then I remembered I'd left it in Airplane mode.

Disaster

From Bliss

I accidentally swallowed a handful of Scrabble tiles.

My next bowel movement could spell disaster.

Ting

From Anjali Srivastava

Looking very pleased with himself my 7 year old nephew showed me the 'telephone' he had just made from a piece of string and two tin cans.

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

Wild Adventure

From Bliss

Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a green rucksack with a few outer pockets and went up to the Lake District.

I walked around for about 5 miles or so, stopped and sat on a stone wall for a bit and had a flask of milky coffee.

Then I walked another 5 miles or thereabouts and decided to stop for a snack.

I rootled about in my new rucksack and decided that a biscuit would do the job.

I found some digestives, some bourbons and a pack of custard creams so I picked the . . .

Sorry, I'm rambling!

Living On A Phone

From See Mike Draw

I'm having people over to stare at their phones later.

If you want to come round and join in you'd be very welcome.

Caution

From Reality Check

I don't want to brag but I just put my USB stick into my laptop the right way round on the first attempt.

Pro tip: It's the metal end.

Saftey Feature

From Mark Lynch

Why are airbags so expensive?

Because of inflation.

Tracked

From OffTheMark

I asked my smart phone what to do when I feel sleepy in the middle of the day.

It turns out there's a nap for that!

Worst Consequences Of Sex

From Truth Facts

Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.

Modern Day Alien Problems

From Andertoons

"You have a reminder set for 5pm today," my phone said.

"A reminder? What is it?" I asked.

"It's a notification to ensure you don't forget something, but that's not important right now," the phone replied.

Then I remembered I'd left it in Airplane mode.

Desperate Situation

From AThirdThing

I lost my haiku

Please tell me if you see it.

Thank you very much.

Why There Is No Proof Of Aliens Even Though Everyone Carries Around A Camera On Their Phone

From Looks Good On Paper

Why don't aliens spend their holidays on Earth?

Because our solar system only has one star.

Giraphone

From OffTheMark

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Anagram.

Anagram who?

How?