Cat Lady

From Jonesy

As a young child my mother told me that I could be anyone I wanted to be.

It turns out, this is called identity theft.

Apple Burgers

From FoodBeast

I spotted someone stealing something from the Apple Store.

So new, I'm an iWitness.

Rejuvenation

From Buni Comic

Stealing clothes from washing lines.

Been there, done that, got the tee shirt.

Night Terrors

From Bliss

How do you tell the difference between a bugler and a burglar?

One of them has a bugle.

And the other one is really upset that his bugle's been stolen.

Snowman Clothing

From Loose Parts

I got home today and all the doors were wide open and everything was gone.

What sort of person does a thing like that to someone else's advent calendar?

The Pelican Briefing

From Ellis Rosen

My local cinema lost almost £1000 in a smash and grab raid yesterday.

The thieves got away with two cartons of popcorn, two large Cokes and a packet of Skittles!

The King Is Dead

From Buni Comic

Some scumbags have nicked a tree from our garden.

It doesn't look right now there's a gap where the tree should be.

Bring back the birch, that's what I say.

Habitual Criminal

From Rhymes With Orange

When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

Oyster Therapy

From Skeleton Claw

The most flamboyant chess player of the 80's was Grandmaster Flash.

Unlocked

From Strange Brew

My mate David was a victim of ID theft.

Now we just call him Dav.

Reading Position

From Liniers Cartoon

I hate hotel towels.

Sometimes they're so thick and fluffy I can hardly close my suitcase.

Thief

From Rhymes With Orange

There's no "i" in "team".

But there are two in "schizophrenia".

Prevention

 

From Matt Davies

I've just been reading a very sad story about the man in Saudi Arabia who had to return the items that he stole after being convicted of stealing two pallets of hand sanitiser. Still, on the bright side, he won't be needing it now.

Robbery

From Cyanide & Happiness

Sleigh-t Of Hand

From LunarBaboon