Snowball Gets Even

From OffTheMark

Pets only like us because they have Stockholm Syndrome.

Robocat

From Rhymes With Orange

Him: "We should go out for a coffee sometime."

Her: "How about 10 tomorrow?"

Him: "No, that's too many, I'd never get to sleep afterwards."

Three Little Words

From Bird and Moon

"Do you have any pets?"

"Yes, I have a dog."

"Any hobbies?"

"Rolling around in mud and fetching sticks."

Teeth Marks

From OffTheMark

That's the last time I use a Chinese barber.

I asked for a Number 4 all over and I'm still trying to get the chop suey out of my hair.

Pets

From The Bent Pinky by Scott Metzger

I want to eat 5 meals a day.

Who decided on just 3?

The same person who came up with the 2 day weekend?

What a bozo!

Massage

From LunarBaboon

[first day as a pilot]

Control Tower: "What are your coordinates?"

Me: "I'm by a cloud that looks like a lion"

Control Tower: "Can you be more specific?"

Me: "Simba"

Further Working From Home Problems

 

From OffTheMark

From Rhymes With Orange

Replacing Nemo

From Scribbly G

Another Poop

From Scribbly G

Qualified Parents

From Bizarro

Good Boy

Eskimo Pet

 

From BerkeleyMews