Catherine Fish

From Cyanide & Happiness

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

Good Time Freddie

From War and Peas

A good romance starts with trust, kindness, and mutual respect...

A bad romance starts with RAH RAH AH AH AH!

Profile

From Pardon My Planet

I wondered why I was banned from dating sites for paying with Monopoly money.

It turns out that it's not legal Tinder.