Drawing Class

From The Daily Drawing

Nelson was 5ft 6ins tall.

His statue in Trafalgar Square is 17ft 4ins high.

That's Horatio of  just over 3:1.

Yellow Paint

From Skeleton Claw

So, the painters finished painting my home and they handed me the bill.

I notice that by the paint it says £0.00.

I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?"

The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."

Artistic Zoom

From JimBenton

I don't know the science behind it, but if you're totally naked and you want to feel even more naked all you have to do is put on some shoes.

Appeeling Banana

From Strange Brew

Apples are a lot like oranges.

They're both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can't compare them to each other.

High Art

From The Argyle Sweater

First, they came for the mime artists, and I said something . . .

. . . because I didn't want them to think I was also a mime artist.

Retired Pilot

From Tony Lopes

We've just had a painter & decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him and it turned out he's a British Airways pilot who's been furloughed and was earning a bit of cash on the side. He made a lovely job of the landing....

Still Life

 

From The Perry Bible Fellowship

The Farmer's Journey Home

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home...
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'